Title:  “n”-apostrophe-“t”

Composer:  Tom Lehrer

Lead vocals:  Jim Boyd, Lee Chamberlin

Backing vocals:  none

Scene:  Jim and Lee as kids, with Jim visiting Lee at her house.

[JB]  Isn’t it a lovely day?

[LC]  No, it isn’t.

[JB]  Could you come outside and play?

[LC]  No, I couldn’t.

[JB]  Did you ever take a hike?

[LC]  No, I didn’t.

[JB]  How’d you like to ride my bike?

[LC]  Frankly, I wouldn’t.

[JB]  Isn’t, couldn’t.  Didn’t, wouldn’t.  Is that all you can say?

[LC]  Isn’t, couldn’t.  Didn’t, wouldn’t.  Yes.  Now go away.

The sweetest sound to me.

It stands for “not”.  I like it a lot.

It’s spelled “n”-apostrophe-“t”.

[JB]  Have you ever tried to smile?

[LC]  No, I haven’t.

[JB]  Won’t you try it for a while?

[LC]  No, I won’t!

[JB]  Are there games to play in there?

[LC]  No, there aren’t.

[JB]  Then why d’you like to stay in there?

[LC]  Frankly, I don’t.

[JB]  Haven’t, won’t.  Aren’t, don’t.  Is that all you can say?

[LC]  Haven’t, won’t.  Aren’t, don’t.  And I said, “Go away.”

The grouches all agree.

We get a glow from saying “no”

With “n”-apostrophe-“t”.

[JB]  Do you talk to anyone?

[LC]  No, I don’t.

[JB]  Come on out and have some fun.

[LC]  No, I couldn’t.

[JB]  Can’t you even tell me why?

[LC]  No, I can’t.

[JB]  Will it kill you just to try?

[LC]  Well, I shouldn’t…

[JB]  Don’t, couldn’t.  Can’t, shouldn’t.  Now, try it once my way.

[JB, LC in turn]  Do?  Do…  Could?  Could…  Can?  Can…  Should.  Should!

[LC]  Hey, that feels okay!

[JB]  So come along with me,

And give it a try.

[LC]  I’ll say goodbye

To “n”-apostrophe,

[JB]  “N”-apostrophe,

[JB, LC]  “N”-apostrophe-“t”.

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